Hey all good morning!

Hope that you all that are taking the time to read this are keeping well and let me thank you for taking the time to read this. I am truly humbled.

For all those of you on my friends list who know me intimately know that I took a pit stop that was essential to my growth and have been dealing with the ugly side of me. For those of you on my list that only know me through this medium you probably figure that I am sum crazy chick lol lol lol well I hope that we can agree to disagree.

I write these notes publicly so that I can reach out to all of us going through storms with the hope to make us aware that sunshine is on the horizon.its not unobtainable. Its just that we need to have faith and belief and not hinder our growth by just concentrating on the negative but adhere to take our negatives and be determined to make them positives.

This week has been an amazing week!!! I am still trying to come to terms with the blessings and the lessons that god has taught me and bought to me! And for that god I am truly blessed and thankful.Its been so amazing that I felt that whilst I share my pain with the world it was only necessary to share with the world the joys that god bestowed on me and share the message!

Ten years ago something which was traumatic occured in my life and till this week I looked back on the events and everything that followed after as a character default carried the luggage of others on my back and beat myself something rotten because of how others valued my worth my existence and purpose and this caused me to act a fool become needy and always in need of approval and walking around lost and acting like a clown!!!!

Then last year my foolishness caused me to receive another blow that made me wake up and smell more than the damn coffee!!!and it was painful! It made me look at my actions my reactions my attitude and most of all the shit that I was allowing control my life and what I was doing not just to me but to those around me that meant the world to me. I had spent valuable living time comparing myself to others and judging my progress by others opinion those that didn't really matter and thus I got nowhere and held myself back from what I wanted in my life!!!

I couldn't separate certain issues and situations from what was necessary to that which was not and allowed so much bullshit hold me down and I let me down!

Two months ago I decided enough was enough! I had to stop and take a good hard honest look at myself my priorities my issues and by abusing myself the effect it had on my loved ones. My own misery was causing misery to those I said I loved!

My journey has not always been smooth but in the last few months I have seen my life for what it really is! A blessing! And that happiness needed to be measured by the quality of your life not by the quantity.

As I write this I am minded to keep this short to the point and easy to digest as possible but its hard as there is so much I want to share with the world!

I have through observation realised that we all seem to deny ourself real happiness! What it is to you only you know but don't be unfair to you and out of fear of the unknown deny yourself and find unworthy substitutes and settle for the unhealthy. If inside you know something is troubling you or there's an emptiness that no matter what you do cannot be filled open that door and walk into the room no matter how dark it is and open the windows let the light and fresh air consume you. Don't allow fear dictate your life.

A lot of us fear lonelinessm and because of that we find resolution in that which is not really meant for us. The fear factor of being single sends us into a mad frenzy that we literally start fooling ourselves into believing anything! Our threshold for bullshit exceeds beyond our own imagination and we end up unhappy deep inside but acting happy on the outside that in the end we forget who we are! But here's something I learnt the hard way by actually learning to live with ourselves sit alone eat alone function alone can we open our eyes and realise we can achieve anything and no man or woman can mould us into the people we actually don't want to be or like! By learning to stand alone can we appreciate the good reject the bad and foresee the unhealthy. And when we address our own issues and demons will our lives change and we become better at the game of life. We can be nice to those who aren't nice to us we can look our negatives in the face and with dignity we can deal with it positively. We all have a right to love to a good life but no one but ourselves can execute that right! Never think you are not powerful as power and control over your life is in you just look! Just know that power and control is not to be abused cause the result will be that you become absorbed and obsessed and lose sight. Don't try to control others learn to control yourself. Learn to love yourself!

If you consistently wake up concentrating and focusing on that which you don't want you you will only attract that! Re-educate your thought process and think of the here and now live in the present and focus on achieving positivity and you will seen a change. It don't happen over night though. Patience is the key to that great car you gonna use to continue your journey!

Last sunday I woke up feeling like I was ready to call it a day and just didn't care anymore. I felt god had turned his back on me and finally given up on me and my half hearted attempts to look after the life he had given me. I had to force myself to get up and function. I had consumed so much bullshit that I just couldn't find the motivation and energy to carry on. But I had to! And just I hit that low something magical happened god came knocking at my door and oh my did he bring me the best medicine! My eyes opened my dark cloud vanished and my night turned into day!!! I can't go into too much but let me tell you no I didn't win the lottery it was much much better than that!!!

Since sunday my zest for life has returned and right now at this moment I am relishing in this wonderful feeling of freedom!!! Its beautiful its exhilerating and believe me when I say its a wonderful place to be!god sent love unconditional love to my door and showed that patience prayer work just have faith!

So what I would like to share with you is let it go! The past is truly the past! Learn to love and be kind to you and never be scared or ashamed to be human just live a life where you cause no one harm or pain intentionally as when you do you will find that happiness will fear you and stay away from you. Peace of mind will become a distance memory or a figment of your imagination and you will make yourself miserable. Learn to live with and live without. Give thanks for the simple things and don't waste energy looking for fault in everything. Don't make complaining the only things that come out of your mouths cause god doesn't only listen to your prayers!

As I sign off remember you are a child of god and those around you are gods children too your children are gods to so be good to them and love unconditionally and let go of those that are negative and don't carry the designer luggage created by the label hate - it don't look good x

Have a blessed day and remember do unto othas as you would like done unto you and don't sweat the little things! God loves you xxx

Peace