Current mood: adventurous
Category: Life
A friend of mine told me that he did not think that I would do this as I told him the other evening on the phone that I was seriously contemplating putting an ad out for a "back scratcher"……
Aaaah, firstly one may ask what do I mean by this…well….a back scratcher is MY terminology for the role that the opposite sex would play in my life right now. I have been single for a while – and as much as I have had a few entertaining experiences with the opposite species in the recent years, I am now at what I declare is my "refine and define" period of life.
Now, I am a very very simple person, the younger I was, the more complex and overtly intense I was, but the older I get the more quietly intense I get with what I am realising are basic but very complex needs….mmmm so I thought maybe if I made the role profile and person specification more simpler the vacancy would thus be filled more quickly –but that turned out to be a debacle and a half! And whilst debating this with my esteemed brethren, I realised that even though what I perceived as quite a simple task/request/need actually came with quite a high price and expectation.
So here I go, this is how my ad would read: I am on the look out for a good decent back scratcher….its not a hard job, just scratch my back till I fall asleep; food, drink, roof and bed provided, occasional walking of the seven year old required but besides the scratching of the back…not much else is required……simple right?
Or so one would like to think….
My boys showed me that even though what I thought would be an appealing offer to the male species…apparently I had to offer them abit more in order to just get my back scratched…I was in shock horror…I mean…food and drink….bed and roof…that was a bloody great remuneration package on offer just to get someone to scratch my back – bloody hell….my quest is far from simple it seems…as much as my needs are basic the price was extortion….lol lol lol
As much as I have simplified this and taken it down to its bare minimum the role is still hard to fill I have found. The process of elimination is fun and games in itself and the meet and greet sessions can either be viewed as a complete waste of time or a learning experience/curve – depends on your outlook – half full or half empty…my outlook is be clear what you want, who you want and begin with the end in mind. On one first meet and greet blind date that a friend of mine had kindly set me up on, I did a roast corn fed chicken with rice and peas and all the bloody trimmings and being a lady I asked the man to cut up the chicken….yep so he did…he cut up his share and went and sat down and left me with the rest of the chicken to wrestle with just to get a leg…...as I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel…I swept him gracefully out of the door with a don't call me I will call you thumbs up…..he even had the cheek to turn up at my door with a small bottle of water just for himself….i mean c'mon….it was just the basics…..and that was it….it was just pure bad practice and for me it was a first…..and a last! I am not after someone that brings me flowers champagne drives some fancy car etc I am just after someone that knows who he is, he is not consumed by the arts of the underworld, has a kind humane chip in built, common sense, sincere, mindful, a good male role model, does not require the need for substance abuse or herbal intake to help him cope with daily life and most of all is truthful. Someone that shares my interests in the arts, I am not a huge party fiend, so someone that likes the comforts of a great sofa with good food and conversation, has a sense of adventure and is balanced…..should this not be a simple request? Well, I guess we are all complicated creatures and we do have to accept that about each other in order to move forward. Men have their own agenda's and vice versa. However, having sat around the table with both my girlfriends and male friends, we have reasoned for many hours about the wonderful banquet of talent on offer to us in within the society we live in today…the choices are endless but limited….we find ourselves in a bind, never ever totally satisfied and often needing more and more from the other person.
We put so many obstacles in our quest for perfection and our need to tell our peers what a wonderful person we have been rewarded with that we actually lose ourselves in the drama that we create trying to mould even the most unhealthiest relationships that we lose all sense of self and self worth.
In the last few years, I have taken the time to get to know myself and have realised the kind of companion I need in my life and been relentless about it. I have applied a strict code of don't settle for less and be absolutely clear in your mind what you will and will not accept. I have become more aware of what is good for me and what is bad for me and no matter how lonely the nights and days get, I just don't feel the need to succumb to the pressures of being with someone just to exist. A lot of my people around me are always trying to tell me, that what I need is a good man, maybe that….but what can he bring to my table I wonder….i am pretty self sustainable, I work hard , I do my own thing, take care of my son and ensure that stability and routine are his daily programme and everything else is really to me, neither here nor there. I am happy in my own company and love the fact that I am free to be me. I am careful in who I am around my son as I am his guardian and I have to show my son how to treat a woman, and how to be a good man even at his tender age. He has his male moments and I have to nurture that side of him. I have to accept that I as a woman cannot teach a man to be a man, but I have a strong influence on the sort of man I let in to our lives. I have to be careful. So how and where would a man fit into mine and my son's world….well others seem to think one would fit right in….lol.
I have known and met many that have needed to co-exist in order to exist. Either they need one person or a collective of poor individuals willing to put up with their nonsense. I don't judge but I do despise the manipulative deceitful ones – those that don't want to admit to their weakness and believe that they are doing people a favour by treating them like shit and think that they have the right to hurt and belittle people looking for someone to love and love them back. As AA would say to a recovering alcoholic, admitting one's problem to one self is the first step towards sobriety.
As mentioned previously – I am probably the most simplest complex individuals that you would ever meet. I have good days bad days but one thing I do know is that when I am absolutely sure about something I put my legs arms and whole body into it…and thus so far, after the first tsunami that drowned my overly emotional self and broke my heart in to a few colourful jigsaw pieces, I have become more vigilant and promised to be more obedient to my heart and mind and decided that happiness should first and foremost come from within. Anything and everything else is a bonus. Learning to love yourself and not depend on someone else to validate your existence is so crucial to one's self esteem and confidence. Learning to live without and still be at peace is more fulfilling than ever imagined. Aah, you may wonder do I say these things by choice or as consolation – actually neither is my answer – I say it as liberation.
Anyway, the long and short of what could be a life long debate/discussion etc is that the older I have gotten, and the more and more I refine and define what I am looking for in a companion, I have realised that just the basic fundamentals is all you need. But you have to decide what those basic fundamentals are and be realistic about the goals you set yourself and be honest – will you achieve them. And can you expect another to fulfil those goals? Don't try to change those that don't want to be changed and be willing to compromise and communicate. Maintain courage dignity, integrity and self respect at all times, and know when something is not healthy for you. Don't be scared to let go and sleep alone – cos if you think about it – you will end up in your grave alone. Don't spend your life on tour cause by the time you come back to your favourite city its more than likely to have changed. When you find the being that holds just the basic fundamentals or the foundations of what you are searching for then, work on it – build on the foundations and always be realistic.
I know what I am looking for…….and as god gives me a fair choice of lemons, I will make lemonade….simple….x
Funnily enough, tonight as I write this, I have been trying to forget that my back is very itchy (think it's the new washing powder) and as much as my little boy has been trying to relieve me by scratching my back, he is only able to do so much, bless him but what he said to me just as he rolled off to suck his thumb and fall asleep, was "mum, you need a back scratcher!"….no truer word had been said….the beauty of irony.x
(so here goes special K – I told ya I would)
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