Okay so I am getting a little more savy with my new found friend and I am enjoying it very much.
I have not written anything fresh for a minute so this is a first piece exclusive!
Today, a very good friend of mine asked a question about why do relationships end on his Facebook page and interestingly enough I noticed that there was not as many people commenting as per usual as usually he has the ability to start mini wars/battles on his pages but the topics are always thought provoking and very informative. I then realised that when I went on his page to comment I myself was quite stumped at WHY RELATIONSHIPS ACTUALLY FAIL/END....
It is not a simple thing or reason is it?
When two people break up, ask them separately and they will more or less have a different view from the other or in the most unusual of scenarios they both will agree on the reasons for their break up. But the later can be very rare as sometimes break ups can be quite nasty when one wants to more than the other or neither know what they want, or someone has done the other some kinda twisted wrong. It is a wonderful thing when we are able to separate from another without any hate or anger or deep rooted feeling of regret but can we do this in this day and age I wonder?
I am not the greatest at staying friends with exes as most of those that I have ended relationships with have been because them and I are very different as people and my needs are not met. I admit that I am very quick to end something if I dont feel that I am getting back anything from a relationship.Selfish? Childish? Spoilt? I dont know, call me what you want but I do want to settle down eventually and I want to settle down with someone that I dont secretly wish I could kill. I dont understand those women that stay in relationships and when out with their girlfriends all they do is critise everything about their partners....if he is so bad then WHY are you with him?
I mean why are we sometimes so jaded that we will put up with just about anything to stay with someone and not be really happy. Why do some people become so obsessed with their relationship that they let everything else fall apart? Family and friends, jobs, homes, finances, mental and emotional state? Why are we so consumed by the notion that only by being in a relationship are we fully acceptable in society and whole as people as this other person became your other half?
I have a particular friend, who is the ultimate relationship chick. Her priority in life is to be in a relationship and everything else is just there as something you got to do. She has never been on her own for long periods of time and gets very upset and almost child like if she has no boyfriend for over a period of a month. I love her to death but her need became a problem for our friendship so I had to leave her to it. She did not realise that her relationship was affecting us, as I had to take her boyfriends feelings into consideration and to a point i thought i was dating the boyfriend. If he dissapproved of something then it affected everything. And the fact that she was willing to let her friends go for this man baffled me......why does this relationship work?
I recently found myself in a situation whereby I met someone considerably younger than myself however he was amazingly refreshing and I really took to him more than I had expected. I have always been a stickler for boundaries, as to who I would allow myself to get involved with but this man really made me smile. I felt amazing with him and saw the world through fresh lenses. I had invested in men of my age group and older and they had carried so many issues, tainted hearts and very glazed eyes so this was just phenomenal.
However I knew deep down inside it was not gonna have a long shelf life. I was very paranoid about the age difference, the differences in experiences, the fact that I had children and he had none. I felt very selfish, for wanting this man as much as I did, but I knew that I could not fulfill his hearts desires for a family and to be a father. He had an ex and I could see so much love and I could see the possibility of him going back there to build his home. Do I dig my heels and stay for selfish reasons or do I let him go.....I had to make a painful decision and let him go. He thought I was running away and being painful unstable, but having gone through the pain that I have in my past, I felt that it was better to get out whilst it was at its embryo stage. Even though I loved this mans delights, his company, his mind and his energy, I had to take affirmative action rather than to allow things to go any further. So why did this relationship or potential thereof fall apart.....?
The concept of relationships has changed over the years, decades and generations. We have evolved as people and our needs have changed so much over the years. We have become lazy in what we give and the amount of effort we put in to our relationships but we have becoming more and more demanding in what we expect from our partners or those that want to be with us. We feel the world owes us something and that we no longer should work at anything and thus we fail at achieving all the things that we want to. For those of you reading may think how can I say this when earlier on I stated that I exit at the first sign of trouble...welll let me explain, from the moment that I feel that I am the only interested party in the formation of a relationship or potential relationship, then I feel that I am the only one wanting this more and that is not a good place to be.
We as adults need to begin with the end in mind and stop with the bullshitting. If we really are not looking for a relationship or anything too complicated, then make a choice and let the other person know where they stand. It does not cost anything to be honest. If anything it stops all the drama, the heartache and the unnecessary hate. If you feel someone and you want to get to know this person, let them know, dont wait to see what happens, cause it may never happen as the other person may take your silence as not being interested. If you really feel them let them know when they come into your mind. Dont stalk them! But let them know they make you smile, not just horny.
There is nothing more beautiful than picking a text message that the person you got your eye on also has their eye on you, that they want you as much as you want them, they miss you as you miss them and that they want you to smile too. There is nothing more splendid when the person of holding your thoughts also is thinking of moments that they can see you and spend with you, that they want to share their world with you and take you exploring the possibilities that being with each other could bring....
In the middle maintain the same consistency and passion - the same hunger and the same thurst. Dont start something you have no intention of maintaining. We all have the potential to become complacent and once we have them in the bag we take it for granted that they are with us so we do not need to do much more. Keep the excitement in your relationship especially if your truly value and love the person. IF they are the ones that you see potential with then dont let it go. If they dont show the same emotions then let them go. There is nothing worse than throwing good money over bad.
Noone is perfect, however I believe that if you meet someone that fits your life like a glove then you should work at it. IF there are a few things that can be tweaked then work at it, but if its a situation that you have discussed and still does not change, then re-evaluate the situation. Is it something that you can live with or is something that you see festering into a situation?
If you are at the end of a relationship try your hardest to end on good terms - if you cannot then that is also fine. Just communicate your feelings and dont fester hate in you. I have learnt that festering the pain harms yourself growth and your ability to move on. You will miss potentially good opportunities to find love elsewhere. If you feel that you need time to heal, then dont deny yourself that chance. Dont let others force your hand.
Relationships end for a numerous amounts of reasons, remember the question how long is a piece of string?
But sometimes prevention is better than cause, and I feel it is often good to take a birds eye view and look at the relationship in its actuality.
If something is beautiful and you are both investing as much as the other, then make sure you have done everything in your power for it to work. If it dies it will die of natural causes and will be less painful and bitter.
Be aware though about the balance in your potential relationship - be aware who wants it more? Only by being totally aware of this will you have less break ups, less heartache and more fulfilled moments....
i do not profess to be ab expert in relationships, far from it, I have just learnt the hard way and have worked hard at being my own lover and friend and making sure I stick to my game plan for my future. Respect others and if you do like someone more than they like you, dont be scared, let them go.
be happy always....
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