I am not usually one to complain, but i am not one to sit in silence or complain vigorously about men and what they do and dont do either. I am a firm believer that if you choose to love a man that is not fully functional then shut up and deal with it...no point blaming him and the world for the choices you chose to make!
However, of recent I have noticed, more and more how men have started to get more in the habit of having a woman dangling on whatever silly string they can get them on and keep them dangling even when there is more than one of them hanging on.
It has also come to my attention and keen observation, that men have started to shift the wooing game on its head and now expect and actually have the women now doing the chasing, the courting and taking the role that the man is supposed to play. Men seem to have become very calm and relaxed and comfortable in the notion of the woman doing all the work whilst they sit back and just let her get on with it.
Something else also that I have noticed is that people have stopped taking the time to get to know one another. There is no balance and there are no happy customers at the end. We have started to treat our relationships with as much regard as we do to our replaceable hi-tech and white goods and we have no desire any longer to work at anything or stay at something because it might mean us working harder than we think we should.
Men no longer seem to invite and take ladies out on meals to decent restaurants, or to the theatres or even take the time to plan and suprise a woman that holds their interest. They feel that she should be grateful that he even asked her for her number let alone gave her a call. They also think that the script sheet that they used on the last victim should be good enough for their new target and that if the lady responses in any way out side of what that script says, then she is either damaged, riddled with issues, or just simply too much hard work so she is to be avoided at all costs.
The typical " I am ready to settle down", "looking for a wifey" or "i am really scared of getting hurt" lines have been over used, over played but they are the trusted magical words that guarantee a trip down Easy Street with some fool, and yes I use the term fool when describing my fellow females as I have watched them too many times allow themselves to get entangled and played by the same lines, the same scenario and the same game. All that changes is the face of the player! Even I admit to falling for these really over used lyrics, however, after a few hits, I grew to realise that there was some special Church that these fellows were attending as they all seemed to sing from the same hymn sheet.
See, women, the biggest reason why we are in the mess that we are in and cannot find that "perfect man" is because "WE" have made it so easy for them and so difficult for us. Women, first we need to have a long hard and seriously brutal look at ourselves, the patterns we follow, the underhanded shenanigans we get ourselves wrapped up in and how we respond when things just dont go our way....and also what we let them get away with all to show society and our so called friends that " i gotta man"!
See with the current numbers showing 5 women to every one single man, this is a safe and assured gamble for any man, as they know that women will be guaranteed to be fighting over them....even under them if that is what it took to get the man or have the man!
Men have become lazier than couch potatoes looking for the remote control in relationships or even the acquisition of one, they begrudgingly make the half hearted attempts when we "moan" just to shut us up. And we, ACCEPT THIS!
The concept of just accepting it scares me and fascinates me all at the same time....why do we put ourselves through this? We have more desire to be treated awfully than we do to getting up in the early mornings and going to the gym. Why do we deliberately put ourselves through the mental trauma and drama and lie to ourselves. How can "but i love him" mean more to us than "but i love me more..."
I have always been quite lucky. I have had a healthy balance of both. The really sauve sophisticated level headed know what i am doing -kind of man to the i aint got two pounds to get on the bus to come see you kind of man....and on both cases i have genuinely had a fondness for them however, as i am a woman of balance, I cannot be at one extreme end of the spectrum comfortablly for too long, so i shift, and this baffles them both....the first thinking, but i thought the money and glitz was what she was about and the other thinking damn, that was my meal ticket just running out of the door....
In either case, i have also met the inbetweeners, the wannabes and the has beens and one thing that has always grabbed my attention is that, some men really have no clue how to speak or hold a conversation with me apart from looming rather pervishly around the subject of sex and hovering there for the whole period of time that they have to, to keep you entertained till they can gage whether they are going to "get some".
A man once asked me, a man that had never even taken the time out to meet me, "DO YOU WANT ME ?"......i did not know whether to actually bless him with an answer or just ignore the most non-sensical question i have ever heard. In fact it was this encounter that inspired me to write this, as the whole time i had been in phone contact with this man, he had never really asked me how i was or how my day was....he made various references to his "bling" lifestyle, the clubs he frequented and what type of reception he received at all these really high end venues.....without actually realising that even though i may be a fallen angel, i have not fallen far from grace, and what he talks about, has been what i have been about since the day i was born....and hence why all the impressing or impact he was trying to make on me, really did not even make a dent.
He told me, that i had too many issues.....and i thought well so what if i have.....just because i dont display a "yes mas'er" attitude towards his spoilt arrogance did not mean i was the one with the problem. It just meant that whatever he was selling, I was not buying.....and this is what kind of made the situation non existence. His response and his attitude only re-established what i had made of him in the first place, all balls and no juice....simply put BORING!
Then the other case, is the weed smoker, that did not just live in another post code but actually lived on a totally different planet and time zone mentally. He was used to the rougher breed of women, who were ready to throw it down for their man even with an armful of kids and shopping bags. The ones that had that really ugly haircut that reflected that they could not decide whether they were man or woman....These type of men, flit through more women in one week than i would have hot dinners and call you and have the same conversation over and over again and they made you want to fall asleep just by the way they drawled on their words. Their blank stare through the blood shots eyes just dont come across attractive....
And then you have the man that grew up in the ghetto and is spending his whole life living out his favourite music video scene......
I mean the types of men, with their personalities and quirks are endless.....There is all sorts available for anything your heart desired, however the one thing that I seek, it seems to be either non-existence and a complete urban myth or as extinct as dinosaurs......
A simple, well educated man, with compassion and self respect it seems is not an easy thing to ask for these. A cheating STD ridden rat is more available at your good club nights and you have the opportunity to fulfill your childhood Ms World ambition by walking, parading and competing against the other hopefuls....all to get his crowning attention......
I am not asking for a saint, but a well balanced man with a clear understanding that you can have all the luxuries in the world, but you dont need to make it your world.....
The simple gesture of calling someone and asking them how they are, or suprise them by taking the bin out without being asked, the simple acts of thoughtfulness and the ability to hold and maintain a well informed discussion without drifting off or even making the simple effort of speaking the english language well with the need for useless lazy slang words. To be able to sit besides me and read sunday newspapers and educate me, talk to me with respect and actually allow me the opportunity to get to know the real him and let me fall in love with him with no pressure or cause for concern.....i have been told is a really a tall order....in a sarcastic kind of way...
People have forgotten to be friends, and this is why alot of relationships entered on the premise of basically nothing other than the rush between your thighs have ended up down the toilet.....Even when men have told me they want to be friends with me, i have realised that it ends up a very one sided friendship and they want to see how much they can take from the friendship in comparison to what they themselves are willing to invest into it....So one party ends up the injured one...
I dont feel bad, low or unworthless because i choose to be single, but rather empowered, proud and grateful for the clarity that i have in my life and also the time it is taking to find Mr Right. My belief is that good men do still exist somewhere but my faith in men being able to take it back to the days when romance lived and people were gone with the wind.....has literally gotten up and not flown out smoothly,but has gotten up, dusted the dirt of its shoulders and walked the hell out.....
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