do men need any more hints.....

Speed dating tips for men



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At one time dating agencies were all the rage but the hi-tech convenience of speed dating and its focus on body count with a high octane atmosphere has made it a must-do experience even for those not genuinely looking for l-u-r-v-e.

For many this very modern way of searching for a significant other, either for romance or a romp between the sheets has its pros and cons.

Some find the X Factor style interrogation of their personalities too daunting in what can be a conveyor belt of humiliation, while other customers brave the potential ego bashing and lap up the chance to schmooze and booze in what can be a fun and stimulating social gathering of lonely hearts under one roof.

Even if guys naturally possess the kind of seductive powers to charm birds from the trees, a lack of social graces and self awareness at these manic events can quickly turn a hopeful romantic into a pariah.

So, guys, if you're thinking about joining such an event and don't wish to end up going home with just a greasy kebab for company, here's some important etiquette advice you need to know.

Listen and respond
Many females interviewed for this article rated 'not listening' as one of the biggest irritants of the night and a definite reason for not ticking a guy down on the scorecards, even for a free burger. Rachael, 36, experienced some priceless moments.



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Not listening and failing to pay attention are the cardinal sins of speed dating
"One guy from Uganda didn't listen to a word I said. He just kept going on about my beautiful eyes and mouth and looked me up and down like he was assessing a prize heifer for market. After two minutes he told me his mother in Uganda would love me. Another just stared at my breasts for most of the time".

Condescending claptrap
If suggesting a girl meets your mother sounds too creepy for most guys to say then acting over protective and intrusive like a 'mum' is a definite no-no that will have any self respecting girl run a mile.

Amanda, 40, explains "One guy spent three minutes quizzing me about how much and how often I drank! Obviously he was either an ex-alcoholic or divorced from one! A second guy gave me a lecture about smoking as if I was a 12-year-old. Irritating and it said a lot about his personality".

Flippancy = nil points
There's no doubt that being thrown into the speed dating bearpit can be a daunting prospect, especially from the point of view of being judged by total strangers. Maybe as a protective shield some guys adopt a nonchalant attitude - but that can backfire.

Donna, 38, says "One guy sat down and told me he was married with kids and just there for a bet as if it was just a laugh. Which told me instantly that he was an annoying time-waster. And if a guy is trying to be 'cool' by swivelling around in his chair or chewing gum, that just tells me he's a prize plonker with no self awareness".



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An arrogant or flippant attitude isn't going to win you many points
Arrogance ain't cool
Maybe all the emailing and social network chat encourages some men to develop more arrogance than a 70s TV cop in a Ford Capri? It's one thing to be a cocky goof on a website but to be equally so in the flesh is a faux pas beyond redemption.

Tanya, 32, explains "One particularly brazen guy blew it when he basically sat down and said "So when are we going out then?" That took me aback. He then cornered me during the break so no one else could get a look in and then swooped once the whole event was over. He wasn't particularly attractive but his boldness was. Some girls like that sort of nonsense but is it worth the risk?"

Manners maketh the man
Ian, 35, noted some cringeworthy behaviour from fellow male attendees totally incapable of sincerity. Even if you are as shallow as an ink well, at least pretend to be interested in all the ladies.

"I've seen guys not interested in the girl they are chatting to but who can't wait to talk to the next girl who they really are attracted to! It must be a kick in the guts for the girl to be made to feel she is a minger. In one session some girls had to sit in a group of three and had three guys sit down at their table at each rotation. One girl was obviously beautiful and all the guys ignored the other two and directed all their attention towards only one girl".

No one is asking you to be matinee idols fellas but at least try and be a bit noble even if you're chatting to ladies you don't find the least bit attractive.



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The odd glass to settle the nerves is fine - just don't take it too far
Too much dutch courage
The prospect of being faced by dozens of girls all sizing you up in terms of looks, sexiness and whether you're solvent or not isn't the kind of arena for unconfident souls. Who could blame guys for having the odd pint or two? But there's a fine line between appearing cheerily merry and coming across as the local park hobo.

"Most important thing is not to slur your words" says Ian. "Most people get to a venue and then have a couple of drinks for dutch courage. The problem is that when you are doing the rounds you drink pretty quickly because of nerves...and that's what leads to embarrassing situations like spilling drinks or saying cringing things".

Watch where you're gawping
Some guys have a natural tendency to lower their eyes to the chest area, particularly if a pendulous rack is on display and purposely designed to grab attention. But in a speed dating situation this lack of PC sensitivity isn't going to look good on your scorecard.



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Make sure you make eye contact and never talk to her chest
James offers the following advice: "Look into the eyes, blank out anywhere below the neckline, unless of course the girl is being provocatively flirtatious. Just keep saying it like a mental mantra that one has to repeat to one's self. There's always time for enjoying the sights later!"

Personal hygiene
This has to be up there with such no-no's as having your flies undone or talking about masturbation at the first meeting. We've all experienced the death rays of body odour on the tube or train that almost requires smelling salts to recover. And nothing will turn a girl off more than a whiff of stale breath and the kind of underarm stench that suggests you're allergic to soap and shower gel.

Tony: "Make sure you have a mint or a mini mouthwash beforehand. Some guys just can't smell their own breath and it's especially important if you've been eating spicy or garlic-tainted food all day. Because you are sitting in close proximity to the girls this really is essential".

Saddo personality
There's no denying that some guys will use anything to pull on the heart strings either by making out that their gerbil is dying of cancer, or that they were brought up in a care home. But an over the top disaster story is more likely to set a girl's internal alarm bells ringing.

Some of the women interviewed admitted to be taken in with a 'genuine' sob story because "if a guy is emoting like that with a sad story, it's probably true". However, one turn-off is to come across as needy. Most women today may like the idea of a man who is in touch with his sensitive side but they don't want to feel they're looking after an emotional dependent.



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Regardless of nerves, eliminate swearing or keep it to a bare minimum
Potty mouth
One major point that Ian emphasises is make sure you mind your language, no matter how liberal you may think the women may be. "Be careful with the swearing. I have that problem. The more nervous I get the more 'motherf*****s come out of my mouth!"

Even if the girl is apt to a little potty mouthing herself, it's about showing respect on that first date. At the end of the day you're meant to be persuading the girl how charming and sophisticated you are - even if it's just an act. A guy who is funny, interesting and can string a sentence together without resorting to an expletive every four words is more likely to get ticked on the scorecard.