So its coming to the end of another year and as with all traditions, this is the time of the year where most of us adults would be reflecting back on the year and summarising the productivity of the year, our achievements, our failings and our lessons. We tend to ritually set new goals, new resolutions and hope for a better new year. We, just like the the seasons, follow this pattern year in and year out and never actually effect the changes that we say we keep striving for.
I always write a blog near the end of the year, however as this year, i will be away with my children, i thought i would make the effort to get this in early.
This has been an immensely testing year for me and as always a huge amount has happened but not in the way that one would think, but in many other ways, where the effects have been more on the way my life is in terms of quality and in terms of direction.
I started counselling a while ago, and its something that i have now been doing for about two years and i have realised that the stigma attached to this, is really something attached by those fearful of their own truths and have no real concept of the need to be able to cleanse the mind and the soul from time to time. Reflection and facing one's demons is vital in order to strengthen yourself and to progress on to the next hemisphere of one's life. As we spring our homes, we must also take the time to spring clean our minds, our thoughts and also ou lives.
In the last year or so, i have subconsciously become a recluse and have made very little effort to be out and about and in the thick of things. Certain things in life have seemed less important and less appealing and its been a year where other things have taken over my time.
This year, i have learnt that no matter what, people are always going to want to take you down, whether they call them self friend or foe. I have learnt that even the best of us, sometimes need to learn to let things go and also be kinder to ourselves. I have learnt that communication is key and in any situation, if you are able to communicate properly much can be achieved.
With regards to relationships, this year, has been a no fly zone for me and to be honest its been necessary as my focus has had to be undivided. I have met a few and there have been a few potential suitors, however, i have realised that in order to make something work, one needs to be realistic with oneself and not take on more than what we can handle and never be selfish when it comes to love. This method of thought has helped me weed out the worms as those that have genuinely wanted to be there for me have let me know their intentions and have understood my position.
Its all too easy as a single female, with children to become lonely and then become needy. It can be hard and challenging and some of us fill the voids in our lives with a lot of meaningless junk or as i like to call it clutter. Sometimes, we are surrounded by so much clutter that we find it almost impossible to see past it and beyond it and then we become bogged down with wondering how we are ever going to clear it up, we need the space, how did things become so complicated....but never do we think that we are as much to blame for the build up of clutter!
In order to see clearly and make clear assertive decisions, we must endeavour to keep our lives as least complicated and as least cluttered as possible. Its all too easy to slack off and put things off for another day however, this only heightens the problem and makes it more difficult to find the solution.
Always, stick to what it is you really want and work towards it. When i worked in retail, i worked for a number of luxury brands and met people who would spend on one item alone what i would earn in a month and not bat an eyelid. it was to me a real eye opener. However, when i first started working in retail, my first boss told me, if you spend £1.99 on t-shirt from a cheap high street shop wear it and then it is ruined in one wash, you spend a further £1.99 on another new t-shirt and the cycle then carries on and by the time you know it you have spent about 20 to 30 pounds on one very cheap t-shirt, so its better to save the money and buy a very good quality t-shirt that will last and you know will not flake out in the hot wash.
With that analogy, i think in life, it is too easy to just settle or go for the easiest option and sometimes it is fine but other times, it ends up costing us more than we had initially invested. It is easy to get caught up with keeping up with Jones's and forgetting that what happens behinds closed doors is not always displayed outdoors. Some people have a real skill at faking their situations and we usually get sucked up by the sparkle.We must not also forget than some people run away from their problems and mask their reality as they cannot face it themselves. Sometimes we judge ourselves by others standards when in fact we have no idea what or who they really are. We allow ourselves to be dominated by the opinions of those that don't really matter and in the end make the ones that really suffer the consequences of our low self esteem.
As I get older, i think i have become more cynical of the world and sometimes i wonder whether it is infact me or the world.I dont know why but my perception of the society that we live in now, is that we have become so caught up in this need to pretend that we are living in a lifestyle that we are not, we are all infected by this disease of celebritism and hedonism but yet claim we yearn for that one true real person to love us for who we are and accept us for who we are. But as the saying goes, how can some one love you when you dont love yourself, how can someone accept you and love you for who you are when you yourself have a problem with yourself?
Happiness is everyone's pursuit, however not everyone finds happiness in the same things but to judge each other for our definition of what makes us happy is a crime. I am guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve, i say it as i see it and i would like to think of myself as an honest person and i have found that a huge amount of people find these qualities quite off putting. I dont play the networking game nor do i do the smile in your face stab in your back game, i dont need someone to do anything for me as i pretty much with the blessings of god can do for myself, however, I am judged as a lepper at times for being someone who is not fake! Its a mind blowing thing!
In essence and summary, my year so far has allowed me the opportunity to reflect and contemplate what is truly important to me. I can honestly say that sometimes, it is vital to take a minute if not a second or an hour, and really look at yourself. No matter how many self help books we read, or people we talk to, true change comes from within and in order to effect that change we must be brutally honest with ourselves and also be strict with ourselves.
If we find ourselves in the same situation over and over again like Groundhog Day, then we must seek out the common denominator and weed out the roots of the cause, the stresser as the BAU in Criminal Minds would call it. We must in order to change the world around change from within. But here is the trick, the power of change and the key to change is only held by you. No one else...
Wishing you all a happy festive season and a beautiful New Year....
Peace and Chicken Grease xxxx
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